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Post by lunarpelt on Dec 7, 2010 17:39:42 GMT -8
Lunarpelt walked through the forest, anxious to get to thunderclan, ok i hope they help, im no medicinecat but i know when someone is sick and barley is definatly sick he thought.
this is how i rp!
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»§unnyviolet«
Outsider
We are the one, united under none! We are the one, the ones who carry on!
Posts: 8
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Post by »§unnyviolet« on Dec 7, 2010 17:52:36 GMT -8
Lunarpelt walked through the forest, anxious to get to thunderclan, ok i hope they help, im no medicinecat but i know when someone is sick and barley is definatly sick he thought.
Well immediately I see some things. 1) Grammar & capitalization. 2) Description, and 3) Punctuation & spelling.
I highlighted grammar and capitalization in bold, Description in italics, and puctuation and spelling in underline.
Well, let's start with Capitalization. First of all, ALWAYS capitalize your "I"s, no matter what. Same with proper nouns and beginning of sentences. Always capitalize ThunderClan, like so. Capitalize the first word AND Clan, because they do so in the Warriors books. Now, let us see you try it again, this time keeping in mind, capitalization!! (:
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Post by lunarpelt on Dec 7, 2010 17:56:26 GMT -8
Lunarpelt raced through the forest, anxious to get to ThunderClan, ok I hope they help, I'm no medicinecat but I know when someone is sick and Barley is definatly sick, he thought to himself as he passed the Snakerocks.
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»§unnyviolet«
Outsider
We are the one, united under none! We are the one, the ones who carry on!
Posts: 8
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Post by »§unnyviolet« on Dec 7, 2010 18:07:42 GMT -8
Lunarpelt raced through the forest, anxious to get to ThunderClan, ok I hope they help, I'm no medicinecat but I know when someone is sick and Barley is definatly sick, he thought to himself as he passed the Snakerocks. Good! Now, punctuation! That means, the following: .,?!";:'- So, after ThunderClan, there should be a period, seeing as it is the end of a sentence. Now, you must decide if the next part he's SAYING or THINKING. Let's say SAYING. It would be " {Use quotes, THEN capitalize the first letter.}Ok, I hope they help. {Notice the period! Or an exclamation mark would work fine, too!} I'm no medicine cat, {COMMA! And medicine cat is two words, and NEVER capitalized (deputy and leader are also not capitalized)} but I know when someone is sick, {COMMA!} and Barley is definitely sick," he thought. {End with COMMA then END QUOTE MARKS.}Thoughts would be the same way, but WITHOUT quote marks. Usually, thoughts are italicized, and {in RPing only, to make it easier to read} when a cat is saying things, it is usually bolded. Now correct this statement USING MY TIPS!: rushpaw ran through thunderclan territory. look out he yowled to his clanmates as he dodged a windclan warriors heavy blow. windclan attack an enemy cat screeched to the still night air. rushpaw started panicking. what if i dont make it out alive he wondered with a shudder as he ran into battle. |
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Post by lunarpelt on Dec 7, 2010 19:37:17 GMT -8
ok
Lunarpelt raced through the forest, anxious to get to ThunderClan. /I hope they help, I'm no medicinecat but I know when someone is sick and Barley is definatly sick/, he thought to himself as he passed by the Snakerocks.
you sound like an english teacher, lol, could you just tell me what i need to fix instead of giving me the leacture?
plus th / / is to show thoughts since it wont let me italicize.
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»§unnyviolet«
Outsider
We are the one, united under none! We are the one, the ones who carry on!
Posts: 8
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Post by »§unnyviolet« on Dec 8, 2010 7:30:27 GMT -8
Nonono. You're supposed to correct this one:
rushpaw ran through thunderclan territory. look out he yowled to his clanmates as he dodged a windclan warriors heavy blow. windclan attack an enemy cat screeched to the still night air. rushpaw started panicking. what if i dont make it out alive he wondered with a shudder as he ran into battle.
For italicize, use UBBC coding. [/*i] (But no asterisk*) There is also [/*b] for bold and [/*u] for underline. Now correct the RP post that I posted.
Hrmf. I do sound like and English teacher. GOOD. xDD
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Post by lunarpelt on Dec 8, 2010 21:44:15 GMT -8
RushPaw ran through ThunderClan territory. "Look out!" he yowled to his clanmates as he dodged a WindClan warrior's heavy blow. WindClan attack an enemy cat screeched to the still night air. RushPaw started panicking. [/i]What if i dont make it out alive?[/i] he wondered with a shudder as he ran into battle.
that good?
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»§unnyviolet«
Outsider
We are the one, united under none! We are the one, the ones who carry on!
Posts: 8
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Post by »§unnyviolet« on Dec 9, 2010 18:14:51 GMT -8
That's great! Just remember -- no capitalizing the 'paw part of the name (Ex.: RedPaw, FallHeart, etc). That's a nono. =P
And also -- "WindClan attack!" was supposed to be what a cat said, but that's okay.
Here's another one to do, practicing on capitalization!:::
yewberry was shocked. why did her clan do such a thing? the windclan cat ran screeching into battle, landing her blows hard. this is my first battle as a real warrior she thought, her enthusiasm taking power over her.
suddenly a large dark brown tabby loomed over her. the tom pounced on her before she could say “mouse”. she scrabbled desperately at his belly starclan help me! she yowled. thankfully blazeheart, a dark ginger tom, was nearby, and he helped the ginger-pelted yewberry get rid of the dark tabby from thunderclan. thanks she mewed breathlessly well what are you waiting for? blazeheart asked. fight!
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Post by lunarpelt on Dec 11, 2010 7:51:03 GMT -8
Yewberry was shocked. Why did her clan do such a thing? the windclan cat ran screeching into battle, landing her blows hard. This is my first battle as a real warrior she thought, her enthusiasm taking power over her.
Suddenly a large dark brown tabby loomed over her. The tom pounced on her before she could say “mouse”. She scrabbled desperately at his belly "Starclan help me!" she yowled. Thankfully blazeheart, a dark ginger tom, was nearby, and he helped the ginger-pelted yewberry get rid of the dark tabby from thunderclan. "Thanks" she mewed breathlessly "Well what are you waiting for?" blazeheart asked. "Fight!"
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»§unnyviolet«
Outsider
We are the one, united under none! We are the one, the ones who carry on!
Posts: 8
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Post by »§unnyviolet« on Dec 11, 2010 11:02:23 GMT -8
Hmmmm well you missed quite a few... WindClan, ThunderClan, Clan, Blazeheart, Yewberry... You know what might help? If you just created your own.... well then, here are my requirements...
Make a five (5) or more sentence RP, focusing on capitalization, punctuation, description, and speech stuff.
Then...yeah. I'll look it over again.
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Post by lunarpelt on Dec 15, 2010 6:40:15 GMT -8
The moon beamed over the tops of the twoleg nests as four cats rushed down one of the Thunderpaths.
"Hurry, little ones." the largest cat, a dark grey shecat whispered as they turned into an ally-way.
"Here will do just fine" she said as she lay down. "Pheonix, keep watch," she directed an orange kit.
"'Kay!" he replied, and ran to the enterance.
"Ashkit, after their born, i want you to take the kits somewhere safe, I'll be along when I can."
"Will you be alright mom?" a black cat questioned.
"Dont worry about me, Raven" the large shecat responded
"Its okay mom" a small grey kit said, "ill look after them."
the she cat purred, "if only your father were here, he'd be so proud."
"Their getting closer!" Pheonix called.
"Right," she mewed "take the kits and hide!"
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»§unnyviolet«
Outsider
We are the one, united under none! We are the one, the ones who carry on!
Posts: 8
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Post by »§unnyviolet« on Dec 15, 2010 18:02:44 GMT -8
The moon beamed over the tops of the twoleg1 nests as four cats rushed down one of the Thunderpaths.
"Hurry, little ones.2" the3 largest cat, a dark grey shecat4 whispered as they turned into an ally-way5.
"Here will do just fine" she6 said as she lay down. "Pheonix, keep watch," she directed an orange kit.
"'Kay!" he replied, and ran to the enterance.
"Ashkit, after their7 born, i8 want you to take the kits somewhere safe, I'll9 be along when I can."
"Will you be alright mom10?" a black cat questioned.
"Dont11 worry about me, Raven" the12 large shecat13 responded 14
"Its okay mom" a small grey kit said, "ill15 look after them."
the she cat 16purred, "if 17only your father were here, he'd be so proud."
"Their18 getting closer!" Pheonix called.
"Right," she mewed "take19 the kits and hide!"
1) Problem: Twoleg needs to be capitalized.
Reason: It is written that way in the Warriors series.
2) Problem: The period should be a comma.
Reason:
Okay, I have to go now...I'll try finishing it at school tomorrow, but until then, I really have to go, so I'll finish later! Sorry! I'll post in the cBox and I'll PM you when it's done, 'kay? :3
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Post by lunarpelt on Apr 6, 2011 9:30:20 GMT -8
The moon beamed over the tops of the Twoleg nests as four cats rushed down one of the Thunderpaths.
"Hurry, little ones," the3 largest cat, a dark grey She-cat whispered as they turned into an Ally-way.
"Here will do just fine" She said as she lay down. "Pheonix, keep watch," she directed an orange kit.
"'Kay!" he replied, and ran to the enterance.
"Ashkit, after they're born, I want you to take the kits somewhere safe, I'll be along when I can."
"Will you be alright Mom?" a black cat questioned.
"Don't worry about me, Raven" The large She-cat responded,
"Its okay mom" a small grey kit said, "I'll look after them."
the She-cat purred, "If only your father were here, he'd be so proud."
"They're getting closer!" Pheonix called.
"Right," she mewed "Take the kits and hide!"
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Post by lunarpelt on May 2, 2012 13:09:58 GMT -8
.... *Sigh*, never gonna finished this huh?
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