Practice Thread

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Dawn settled on the WindClan campsite, the early rays of the sun seeking out the darkest corners of the moor and blessing them in a shower of golden-orange light. This light came to flood excessively on a young shekit, who lay curled up in a slight dip in the ground just a fox-lengths behind the campsite, silky black tail tip to her small pink nose. Deep blue orbs emerged in ebony spots that covered her eyes as she stirred and yawned, red tongue lolling out of her jaw. Nightmarekit stood, shaking moss and dirt from her crisp white pelt and stretching. Another sleepless night... She thought tiredly to herself as she scrambled out of the ditch, aching down to the claw tips of her black paws. "I feel like an elder..." she murmured, half to herself. The kit hated sleeping out here alone, but she was afraid to rouse the other kits in the nursery at night with her ceaseless wailing. The queens wouldn't like it either...the entire camp would be kept up all night! Nightmarekit heaved a sigh, wishing she could do something about her dilemma, but her nightmares were enough to send even the toughest warrior whimpering. She closed her eyes, and bright blood splashing across dark shadows raced across her eyelids. The shekit shuddered, cold despite the warmth of the sunlight. With another yawn, she glanced back towards the campsite. I could go back to the camp... Her sapphire gaze roamed in the other direction. Or I could explore...

[Anaxfly]

This is good, you are great at describing the details, I don't think you need too much help with your RPing, except for a few minor things. Since this is the beginning of the setting, you might want to give a little more effort into what is going on around your cat. Also, it seems that from start to finish, the position of your cat changes. You start with:

"Dawn settled on the WindClan campsite, . . ."

This gives the impression that she is inside of the camp, because you never mention anything about her being outside of the camp until the end, this can cause setting confusion between you and those you are RPing with.
Also, just to add some bulk, might I suggest adding a little bit in about what your cat dreams about? I mean, what could possibly be so scary that could make a warrior run away whimpering? And also, what do you mean by

". . . bright blood splashing across dark shadows raced across her eyelids . . ."

It's a little bit confusing and could be taken quite literally, i wasn't sure when I first read it, but I assume it is just her remembering a dream.
Just as a little small thing, some people do RP without ' ' around their thoughts but for clarification purposes I like to put them there, thats how Maple taught me, feel free to do that or not. Also, sapphire is not a deep blue. And, it is insanity for a kit to sleep outside of the camp, no one would allow it. If she sleeps outside, what would be the draw to exploring?

I would mention your kitty but I don't know where she is! I can't tell from your post!

A dim light had only just begun to come through the walls of the warriors den. One of the first rays to break through found the closed lids of a seasoned warrior. Her face bore the scars of many battles. Her brown tabby coat was thin for greenleaf, displaying more scars where the fur hadn't bothered to grow back. Her muscles were small but obviously not untoned. Through the night, her fur had settled and formed to her body like a case, she was a porcelain doll. As a doll, she looked as if she had not aged beyond her kit years, minus the scars.

After a few moments of the light glaring through her lids, the she-cat cracked open her eyes, immediately her pupils contracted revealing her cold pale green eyes. The only love in her life was for her clan. She had once loved a cat, and his ebony face still warmed her dreams. It was unfortunate that he had not returned to the camp after the great storm, her heart still ached sometimes. Since his disappearance, she had devoted herself to her clan and raising the young ones so that they may learn to love their clan and be strong enough to win any battle that may cross their path. Anaxfly sat up from her cozy spot, pushing the urge to stretch as to not wake her fellow warriors, she danced her way around their bodies out of the den. The morning light was much welcomed on her sleep rusted body. She then satisfied her urge to stretch, putting her forepaws several mouse-lengths in front of her. Upon returning to her original position, after arching her back, a ripple passed through her body, knocking most of the moss from her pelt. She ran her scratchy pink tongue over her forearm a few times and passed passed it over her ears. Now fully awake, she could better observe her surroundings.

The sandy ground was still damp, and it felt good under her soft pads. The air smelled crisp and new, just like any new day should. In the air, she caught no sign of a storm, which excited her. 'A beautiful day' An elder was awake already, as well as a few warriors, Sunpool would be out soon to arrange a dawn patrol. Anaxfly fully intended to be there. She was ready to get out and put her hardened muscles to work.

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[ή¡ğĦ†Μare]

i failed. btw, i changed my eye color again xD Now they're green x3

Nightmarekit stretched again, then headed back toward the campsite. The queens were sure to notice she's snuck out of the nursery the night before. Emerald green eyes darting about cautiously, she ambled down a small slope,keeping her paw steps light, and wiggled her way into the nursery through a small hole she'd made in the corner of the gorse den. She nosed leaves, bits of bramble and feathers over the entry/exit, hopefully hiding it from prying eyes although it still crawled with her scent. Satisfied, the black and white shekit turned and slowly took in the sight she'd been missing-kits curled up next to their mothers, most of which fussed and squirmed as the queens ran their tongues over their tangled fur. A pinprick of sadness prodded at her chest. This only reminded her she had no mother anymore.

Dismissing the depressing thought, Nightmarekit glided carefully around the other kits and queens and stepped out into the morning sunlight, purring quietly as it warmed her pelt. Dew stained grass squelched under her pitch black paws as warm morning breezes ruffled her fur. The bit of sleep she'd gotten the night before somehow seemed sufficient to keep her sustained throughout the day, and she was eager to do some... What is there to do around here? She wondered to herself. She'd only been here a week but she'd already grown bored of the campsite. She'd seen warriors leaving all the time- there had to be more to see outside of camp.

Glancing around, she spotted a brown tabby she cat just outside the warriors den. The shekit brightened. Great! Maybe she'll take me exploring! Nightmarekit hurried across the moor to her, nearly tripping over her own paws in her haste.

"Hi!" The shekit mewed. "I'm Nightmare." she paused, remembering Whitestar had added on to her rogue name. "Er, kit. Nightmarekit." She licked her chest, slightly embarrassed. Surely the warrior would think less of her now, making such a mouse-brained mistake.

[Anaxfly]

You did fine :] Also, since we have designated deputies, leaders, and medicine cats, it is best to use those names. It has been a long time since I RPed and was underthe impression that Sunpool was deputy of Windclan but I see that he is now deputy of Thunderclan. Maybe I am being too picky, but if your kit was a rogue, would it matter that she goes exploring? She has been a rogue, she has had plenty of time to explore.

The small scratchy pink tongue had only just begun to rasp over her body as a small voice piped up near her. Her tongue contracted back into her mouth, leaving her mouth open as she turned to look at the kit. She stared at the kit’s white pelt. Green eyes were staring at green eyes. Anaxfly had never spoken to this kit, she was new in the clan, a rogue, not fully excepted by everyone in the clan.

”I know who you are…” she spoke slowly in her voice that should have belonged to a much younger cat. Her pale green eyes narrowed as she examined the kit. This kit made her wary. Anaxfly had not known a life without her mother, hers was laying in the elders den. Her smooth voice came out again to the kit, ”Why are you out of the nursery? Don’t you have someone looking after you?” The kit should have stayed with the queens. That was her place. She would need to learn her place in the clan. She had to follow the warrior code now. She was one of the cats who wasn’t very keen on letting in rogues to the clan. It didn’t seem appropriate to her to let them in, no matter the age, this one was obviously old enough to walk and talk, able to take care of herself. She could have easily been the age of an apprentice, there was no specific way of knowing. But, it was not Anaxfly’s place to judge this small cat. She was neither leader nor deputy nor medicine cat. She was a senior warrior, and this gave her some input, but she was nothing more.

Im sorry, I had a bunch more, but I had to turn my computer off and things didn’t get saved, so I lost it! This is what I could scrounge up.

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Fine's not good enough ! i must do better! *determination* yeah,but i meant explore the area of the forest o.o she's never been to the forest before.and i checked the alligiances and WindClan's deputy is TBD o.O

Nightmarekit narrowed her emerald green eyes, easily as suspicious and wary of the brown tabby warrior as Anaxfly was of her. "No, no one is looking after me," the shekit mewed flatly. Her facial expression was steely and blank, but her eyes clouded slightly and her shoulders sagged a fraction as she spoke the words. No one wants to... The black and white she kit twitched the tip of her ebony tail, as if to flick off the disheartening thought; and focused her attention back on the senior WindClan warrior. "You're going on a patrol, aren't you? Where you go and protect the territory?" Nightmarekit inquired. And look for intruders! I wonder if we'll get to fight the other...what are they called? Clans? "Will I be allowed to come?" Realizing how mousebrained and impossible the idea sounded once out of her muzzle, Nightmarekit tried to retaliate. "I'm almost an apprentice," she added; although it had no meaning to her-she'd seen the other apprentices practice and their moves were full of holes-she knew the other warriors treated them well and believed they could care for themselves. Despite the fact that the shecat was small in size and stature, the rough life of a rogue had dulled her pelt and wore down the light of life in her eyes, and at times she appeared to have lived as long as an elder. However, the thought of leaving the smother of the WindClan cats gazes and glares that made the camp feel suffocating brightened and excited her, and she couldnt wait to feel the warm breeze in her fur and taste the amazing new scents that awaited her.She yearned down to the tips of every hair in her pelt, which quivered with expectance as she looked at Anaxfly with new hope in her eyes and prayed she wouldnt be turned down

[Anaxfly]

To be honest, I don't think that you need much RP training, you have the basics down, you write good and thorough posts, and leave enough hanging off for people to reply to easily. But, that is not my choice, that is Morning's choice. Just remember to keep your post facts consistent and be very specific about your character's position and such.
Oh, and just a suggestion, that I just thought of. Instead of clumping all of your topics together, why not separate them into paragraphs?
Just so you know, all that I incorporate into my character's thoughtsand memories is usually something that happened in-character. I try to make her life as real as possible. It helps me when I am writing.

At the response, Anaxfly narrowed her pupils and swung her head around towards the kit. Her pupils were deep black pits of intangible thoughts and emotions. Her tail flicked back and forth, in her annoyance that the queens had not looked after this kit as they had been instructed. 'How dare they not listen to Nightstar?' Anger burned in her chest, she knew not what to think, 'They aught to be punished for this, once they are out of the nursery. They told Nightstar that they would watch after her.'

Irritably, she swallowed her anger in order to not frighten the kit, "I will see to it that you are watched by someone." Her voice was hard and cold. She often envied the queens for finding love in their lives, and bringing kits into the world, but for now, Anaxfly felt pure resentment. 'How dare they endanger a kit's life?' She turned away from the kit, turning her head and eyes to the sky.

When the kit continued to ask questions, Anaxfly was shocked that she even continued. Most kits might would break down at the thought of not having someone care for them. They would die. Nightmarekit treated the idea so dismissively, and Anaxfly was taken aback by her emotional elasticity. Anaxfly's mother was in the elder's den, but when Icewhisker had not returned from mother mouth, it had taken her many moons to accept that he would not return, and then to get over his death. Her heart still ached at times from the gaping whole that he left in her heart. Sometimes she would run to the falls and yowl because of the pain and emptiness. She pushed the thought of Icewhisker to the back of her mind.

"We will be going around the entire border of WindClan territory. We will lay down scent markers to warn off the other 3 clans." Those were reasonable questions. Every kit in the clan asked them at one time or another. She smiled in her head, thinking about how cute the kits were, with their imaginations, curiosity, and undying energy. She flicked the tip of her tail in pleasure. The next question that Nightmarekit presented, was one that every kit asked as well, but it was also one that every kit new the answer to.
"I believe that you were told the Warrior Code upon your acceptance into the WindClan. You know, full and well that you will not leave this camp again until you are 6 moons old." Anaxfly was shocked that the kit even had a interest in exploring the forest. After all, Nightmarekit had been a rogue up until the time when she had joined the Clan. "I am the wrong cat to ask, if you want me to break the Warrior Code. I have lived my whole life by this rule, and I pride myself in it." It was then that the thought crossed Anaxfly's mind that she might want to have kits of her own, to raise. But her heart would not dare to let go of Icewhisker.


Word Count: 533, I'm getting my skills back!
Mood: Feeling good about myself
Comments: John didn't hurt me as much today
I am going to include this thread in Anaxfly's history :]

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