Post by «MªÞlεδtǻr» on Jan 18, 2009 21:51:23 GMT -8
I wrote this for fun tonight. It's just a little intro and I might add to it later but I dunno. Let me know what you think 
“Hey…Hey! HEY!”
A faint noise disturbed the soothing voice of one of my favorite singers that echoed from my iPod’s earbuds.
“EARTH TO NELLA!”
Suddenly the song was ripped out of my left ear and I turned to see that my friendly neighbor had ripped the earbud out of my ear. I looked down at my iPod’s shiny screen to press the “pause” button before returning my annoyed gaze to a face looking equally annoyed back at me.
“Since when do you listen to your iPod 24/7?”
My dad, Paul, was the one being so rude. Although I suppose I understood why he was being so rude. We were in the middle of dinner at a laid-back restaurant; I’d finished my meal first as usual, and was bored with the current family conversation. It was rare that I was included in our talks together, not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with them; it was just that I didn’t have anything to say. It usually went that way – my sister would talk on and on like the extrovert she is and I would sit and listen, my gaze flickering around the room along with my thoughts, the floors at this place need to be cleaned better..., all the while I would still keep track of the current one-sided conversation that was coming from the opposite side of the table. No one noticed that I didn’t give input until Lucy, my sister, went off to college. Once it was just dad, mom, and I, the table was a lot quieter, and now when Luce is visiting, even though she talks the whole time, mom and dad are more aware that I don’t talk.
“I just like the new CD’s I got,” I half-lied.
“Well alright, but turn it down a little, I don’t want to have to shout to get your attention next time,” grumbled my father. He wasn’t angry with me, I could tell my the glimmer in his dirt-brown eyes that he was concerned, and by the small tug that lifted the corners of his mouth ever so slightly upward that he was glad that I liked my new music.
It was true that I did like my new CD’s, I’d been waiting for them all year after all, making due with the few times I’d get to hear them on the radio or try them out for free a few times on Napster. I’d created so many accounts on Napster so that I could listen to them the most that I’d have enough email accounts for the population of Ashland. But the real reason I was listening to my iPod so much is that I need to get him out of my head. It was ridiculous how much I’d been thinking about him. Numerous times I’d told my self it wasn’t healthy. Even my Facebook status said, “Nella Fane is obsessed, it’s probably not healthy.” Of course everyone thought that I was referring to the best book series ever: The Twilight Saga. It’s ironic that I say that because if I hadn’t seen the movie, I wouldn’t have read the books, and I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Those stupid, yet totally genius, books had aroused my heart to search for love. It’s like suddenly Frankenstein’s monster has awoke in the form of my heart and now I can’t stop it from running around on a rampage and making my mind turn into jelly while I drool over candidates for loving.
The boy of whom I am in self-denial about I will not tell you the name of. Instead, I’ll call him “my Jacob” after the character in the Twilight Saga, since I am obviously on Team Jacob. I had referred to my future husband as “my Jacob” in my prayers as well. Every night, praying that God would guide him in his life and protect him. I prayed for patience that I would be able to wait for him so that I would be able to say that the first guy I dated was the man I married. I would be able to take comfort in knowing that when I gave my heart to that guy, that he was going to take care of it because he was going to spend the rest of his life with me and me with him.
Well everything was all fine and dandy, I was able to easily cope with my teenage hormones, until I saw him. I only saw him for a brief moment from across the street. I was walking through downtown, which is usually quite rare, but I needed to go to the Bead Studio to fix my favorite necklace yet again, the lines of small one or two roomed shops bordering the sidewalk. Small tables with two or three chairs made out of twisted metal or mosaics of glass would occasionally be placed in front of the cafés or bookstores. I walked out of the lime green shop with the large windows that displayed Ashland’s classically hippie jewelry, the bell on the door filling the dry, cold air with ding-a-lings behind me, and as I looked up to take a quick look at the long shadows that were now falling at only 3 o’clock in the afternoon, there he was.
Even from all the way across the three lane street I could see his brilliant smile. His teeth were so perfectly white and straight – accentuated by his perfectly natural tan skin that was the color of light mocha. His rich, dark brown hair was styled into a fowhawk – of which I had always been a sucker for – and joy radiated from his face. Unconsciously scanning him down where he stood casually chatting so someone of whom I was not aware, I took in his toned muscles that were just barely visible beneath his plain white tee shirt with green sleeves, figures that like every other guy he wouldn’t have to wear even a coat in the winter. He was wearing medium-wash blue jeans which had natural wear and tear on them rather than man made $100 wear and tear. On his feet he wore grey and black tennis shoes and around his right wrist was a loosely woven hemp bracelet. I sighed when I heard his laugh travel across the street to me, the most genuine laugh I had ever heard, he used it much, I could tell. The smile stayed on his face, only barely disappearing when he curled his lips under so that the smile wouldn’t break through, but that would only last for a few moments before he talked again and the smile could not longer be held with closed lips. I seemed to be able to increase the distance of my eyesight as I focused on his face, finding the twinkling of amusement and joy within his eyes which were equally as much of a rich, chocolately brown as his hair.
I jumped as someone behind me asked if I was going to stand there all day or let them by.
“Sorry,” I replied, feeling warmer than a moment ago, although I knew my face showed no signs of blushing because it never does. I shook my head a little bit, clearing my thoughts. He was undoubtedly handsome, but looks wouldn’t be enough for me. That laugh and smile on the other hand revealed so much about his personality already. And that is what pricked my interest enough to glance back over at the boy as I walked nonchalantly towards my car. He couldn’t be much older than me, and I wondered why I hadn’t seen him around school. By the time I was at my car his back was facing me, creating a perfectly triangular shape that tapered down to his lower body. He suddenly buckled in laughter, the harmonious sound once again ringing in my ears. I smiled as if I would have been standing there right with him and then was jolted out of my trance when I reached for the door handle and found it locked. I took out my key, unlocked the driver’s side of my 1992 Subaru sedan and sat down behind the wheel to think for a moment. Since when did I obsess over just glancing at a guy from across the street? I shook it off and twisted the long silver key that I had shoved into the ignition. Suella, the name of my Subaru, erupted with life and backed out smoothly as I started heading towards home, taking one last glance behind me, but the boy must have walked away for there was no more sign of him except for a figure in the distance that looked similar to the outline of his frame. I turned up Air1 to rock out to one of my favorite songs and pushed him out of my mind.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That night, I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, but when I closed my eyes, I saw his smiling face, the video replayed in my head over and over again of his face exploding with laughter. That night, I prayed for my future husband and for patience twice as much as usual, trying to reason with myself as well. That night, I dreamt about that boy. I wish I could remember the dream, but all I remember was seeing his smiling, laughing face. I can’t remember any dialogue between us, but that wasn’t unusual, I rarely had dreams where I did anything except think about what I might have said. The following morning I woke up feeling good, not really remembering my dream until later in the day. I was able to carry out my usual boring activities. It was when I decided to entertain myself by looking up “Twilight” videos on YouTube when the memory exploded. Suddenly I remember the boy after watching an interview with the cast and remembering the character Jacob who I had built up in my mind and how I prayed for “my Jacob” every night. It was then that I couldn’t control myself and that for the rest of the day, I could erase the stupid thoughts of him.
I tried to rationalize it by saying that I was assigning personality traits to him based on the Jacob Black from the Twilight Saga, which made him so much more appealing, but that didn’t help one bit because it just made me want to get to know him more, which I knew wasn’t going to happen since he didn’t go to my school. What were the chances that I’d ever see him again? I looked for refuge in my music after that, hoping that the sounds would distract me, that I could focus on what God wanted me to do in this situation rather than having this boy block my good judgment. It worked temporarily, but my heart’s longing for my future husband, for this person I was building up in my mind and that I know had a face to go with it, grew infinitesimally more intense over the next week. I had to turn the music up louder whenever I listened. I had to distract myself from ruining my life over thinking about him too much. I already was starting to feel the effects of depression kicking in, the feeling of loneliness without my soul mate. I felt ashamed and ridiculous that I would be obsessing over someone like this; I was only seventeen for goodness sakes! It’s not like I’m going to find the one I’m going to marry at age seventeen.
And this is where the shouting at the dinner table comes in, when I was listening to my iPod way too loud so that I could drown out the thoughts of him. So I would focus on worshipping God through the music I was listening to and would no longer feel the loneliness that seemed to have been slowly drowning me over the last week.
“Hey…Hey! HEY!”
A faint noise disturbed the soothing voice of one of my favorite singers that echoed from my iPod’s earbuds.
“EARTH TO NELLA!”
Suddenly the song was ripped out of my left ear and I turned to see that my friendly neighbor had ripped the earbud out of my ear. I looked down at my iPod’s shiny screen to press the “pause” button before returning my annoyed gaze to a face looking equally annoyed back at me.
“Since when do you listen to your iPod 24/7?”
My dad, Paul, was the one being so rude. Although I suppose I understood why he was being so rude. We were in the middle of dinner at a laid-back restaurant; I’d finished my meal first as usual, and was bored with the current family conversation. It was rare that I was included in our talks together, not that I didn’t enjoy spending time with them; it was just that I didn’t have anything to say. It usually went that way – my sister would talk on and on like the extrovert she is and I would sit and listen, my gaze flickering around the room along with my thoughts, the floors at this place need to be cleaned better..., all the while I would still keep track of the current one-sided conversation that was coming from the opposite side of the table. No one noticed that I didn’t give input until Lucy, my sister, went off to college. Once it was just dad, mom, and I, the table was a lot quieter, and now when Luce is visiting, even though she talks the whole time, mom and dad are more aware that I don’t talk.
“I just like the new CD’s I got,” I half-lied.
“Well alright, but turn it down a little, I don’t want to have to shout to get your attention next time,” grumbled my father. He wasn’t angry with me, I could tell my the glimmer in his dirt-brown eyes that he was concerned, and by the small tug that lifted the corners of his mouth ever so slightly upward that he was glad that I liked my new music.
It was true that I did like my new CD’s, I’d been waiting for them all year after all, making due with the few times I’d get to hear them on the radio or try them out for free a few times on Napster. I’d created so many accounts on Napster so that I could listen to them the most that I’d have enough email accounts for the population of Ashland. But the real reason I was listening to my iPod so much is that I need to get him out of my head. It was ridiculous how much I’d been thinking about him. Numerous times I’d told my self it wasn’t healthy. Even my Facebook status said, “Nella Fane is obsessed, it’s probably not healthy.” Of course everyone thought that I was referring to the best book series ever: The Twilight Saga. It’s ironic that I say that because if I hadn’t seen the movie, I wouldn’t have read the books, and I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Those stupid, yet totally genius, books had aroused my heart to search for love. It’s like suddenly Frankenstein’s monster has awoke in the form of my heart and now I can’t stop it from running around on a rampage and making my mind turn into jelly while I drool over candidates for loving.
The boy of whom I am in self-denial about I will not tell you the name of. Instead, I’ll call him “my Jacob” after the character in the Twilight Saga, since I am obviously on Team Jacob. I had referred to my future husband as “my Jacob” in my prayers as well. Every night, praying that God would guide him in his life and protect him. I prayed for patience that I would be able to wait for him so that I would be able to say that the first guy I dated was the man I married. I would be able to take comfort in knowing that when I gave my heart to that guy, that he was going to take care of it because he was going to spend the rest of his life with me and me with him.
Well everything was all fine and dandy, I was able to easily cope with my teenage hormones, until I saw him. I only saw him for a brief moment from across the street. I was walking through downtown, which is usually quite rare, but I needed to go to the Bead Studio to fix my favorite necklace yet again, the lines of small one or two roomed shops bordering the sidewalk. Small tables with two or three chairs made out of twisted metal or mosaics of glass would occasionally be placed in front of the cafés or bookstores. I walked out of the lime green shop with the large windows that displayed Ashland’s classically hippie jewelry, the bell on the door filling the dry, cold air with ding-a-lings behind me, and as I looked up to take a quick look at the long shadows that were now falling at only 3 o’clock in the afternoon, there he was.
Even from all the way across the three lane street I could see his brilliant smile. His teeth were so perfectly white and straight – accentuated by his perfectly natural tan skin that was the color of light mocha. His rich, dark brown hair was styled into a fowhawk – of which I had always been a sucker for – and joy radiated from his face. Unconsciously scanning him down where he stood casually chatting so someone of whom I was not aware, I took in his toned muscles that were just barely visible beneath his plain white tee shirt with green sleeves, figures that like every other guy he wouldn’t have to wear even a coat in the winter. He was wearing medium-wash blue jeans which had natural wear and tear on them rather than man made $100 wear and tear. On his feet he wore grey and black tennis shoes and around his right wrist was a loosely woven hemp bracelet. I sighed when I heard his laugh travel across the street to me, the most genuine laugh I had ever heard, he used it much, I could tell. The smile stayed on his face, only barely disappearing when he curled his lips under so that the smile wouldn’t break through, but that would only last for a few moments before he talked again and the smile could not longer be held with closed lips. I seemed to be able to increase the distance of my eyesight as I focused on his face, finding the twinkling of amusement and joy within his eyes which were equally as much of a rich, chocolately brown as his hair.
I jumped as someone behind me asked if I was going to stand there all day or let them by.
“Sorry,” I replied, feeling warmer than a moment ago, although I knew my face showed no signs of blushing because it never does. I shook my head a little bit, clearing my thoughts. He was undoubtedly handsome, but looks wouldn’t be enough for me. That laugh and smile on the other hand revealed so much about his personality already. And that is what pricked my interest enough to glance back over at the boy as I walked nonchalantly towards my car. He couldn’t be much older than me, and I wondered why I hadn’t seen him around school. By the time I was at my car his back was facing me, creating a perfectly triangular shape that tapered down to his lower body. He suddenly buckled in laughter, the harmonious sound once again ringing in my ears. I smiled as if I would have been standing there right with him and then was jolted out of my trance when I reached for the door handle and found it locked. I took out my key, unlocked the driver’s side of my 1992 Subaru sedan and sat down behind the wheel to think for a moment. Since when did I obsess over just glancing at a guy from across the street? I shook it off and twisted the long silver key that I had shoved into the ignition. Suella, the name of my Subaru, erupted with life and backed out smoothly as I started heading towards home, taking one last glance behind me, but the boy must have walked away for there was no more sign of him except for a figure in the distance that looked similar to the outline of his frame. I turned up Air1 to rock out to one of my favorite songs and pushed him out of my mind.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
That night, I was lying in bed trying to fall asleep, but when I closed my eyes, I saw his smiling face, the video replayed in my head over and over again of his face exploding with laughter. That night, I prayed for my future husband and for patience twice as much as usual, trying to reason with myself as well. That night, I dreamt about that boy. I wish I could remember the dream, but all I remember was seeing his smiling, laughing face. I can’t remember any dialogue between us, but that wasn’t unusual, I rarely had dreams where I did anything except think about what I might have said. The following morning I woke up feeling good, not really remembering my dream until later in the day. I was able to carry out my usual boring activities. It was when I decided to entertain myself by looking up “Twilight” videos on YouTube when the memory exploded. Suddenly I remember the boy after watching an interview with the cast and remembering the character Jacob who I had built up in my mind and how I prayed for “my Jacob” every night. It was then that I couldn’t control myself and that for the rest of the day, I could erase the stupid thoughts of him.
I tried to rationalize it by saying that I was assigning personality traits to him based on the Jacob Black from the Twilight Saga, which made him so much more appealing, but that didn’t help one bit because it just made me want to get to know him more, which I knew wasn’t going to happen since he didn’t go to my school. What were the chances that I’d ever see him again? I looked for refuge in my music after that, hoping that the sounds would distract me, that I could focus on what God wanted me to do in this situation rather than having this boy block my good judgment. It worked temporarily, but my heart’s longing for my future husband, for this person I was building up in my mind and that I know had a face to go with it, grew infinitesimally more intense over the next week. I had to turn the music up louder whenever I listened. I had to distract myself from ruining my life over thinking about him too much. I already was starting to feel the effects of depression kicking in, the feeling of loneliness without my soul mate. I felt ashamed and ridiculous that I would be obsessing over someone like this; I was only seventeen for goodness sakes! It’s not like I’m going to find the one I’m going to marry at age seventeen.
And this is where the shouting at the dinner table comes in, when I was listening to my iPod way too loud so that I could drown out the thoughts of him. So I would focus on worshipping God through the music I was listening to and would no longer feel the loneliness that seemed to have been slowly drowning me over the last week.
