Hilarious random quotes & unanswered questions!

[ravenfeather]

Just put random funny quotes or an unanswered question!
Example-
Funny Q-Happiness is like peeing yourself: Everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmness it brings!

Unanswered questions-Do penguins have knees?
or If a tree falls down but nobody is there to hear it does it make a sound?

[Talon (semmble)]

i think a tree does make a sound when it falls XD! there are animals around after all
oh no!!!!!!!!forgot my unanswered Q i was gonna say

(edit) remembered them!
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
and finally!
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

[ravenfeather]

Nice!
hmm... lets see.
o ya! if someone buys a pice of land do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

and, when deaf people think do little hands pop up in their head?

[slashbreath]

If olive oil is made with olives and sunflower oil is made with sunflowers, what's baby oil made from?

If cat food is "new and improved tasting", who tastes it?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and think "Hmmm... I think I'll just squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out"?

What came first, the fruit or the color orange?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why do people say "free gift"? If you had to pay for it it wouldn't be a gift, would it?

[lepardpelt]

Q U O T E S
I find it interesting that calogn, rymes with alone.
I think oranges were named before carrots.
I think the reason there are no B;;C;;D batteries is it'd be confusing.
B-batteries;; I would some b-batteries <-- Sounds like your stuttering
C-batteries;; If your buying two--> I would like two c-batteries. <--Sounds like "to see batteries"
D-batteries;; Hard for forieners--> I would like d-batteries

Q U E S T I O N S
Why are colors named their names?;; IE;; Black.
If you drank enough black food coloring, would you eventually dye your blood black?
If so, would it stay black without drinking anymore coloring?
Do clouds actually move?
Where does Barack Obama keep his brain?

[fallenhope]

Barack Obama keeps it in his head, and that was an awful joke that you just told. Don't try to crack jokes if your not funny.

[~.:Sunfur the Loyal:.~]

I saw this on Ravenpaw's account ~

"Us smart cats have six senses. Sight, scent, hearing, touch, taste, and common."

One I saw on another site ~

"Someday, your prince will come. Mine, on the other hand, took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too darn stubborn to ask for directions!!!"

[jezebelle]

lol sorry, I actually thought the Obama one was funny.

Why are APARTments so close together?

Y2K? Isn't 1 K enough?

Is it true that cannibles won't eat clowns cause they taste funny?

Why is it that if a stranger tells you there are 1 billion stars in the sky and you believe them but when somebody tells you there is wet paint you have to touch it to be sure?

Is there another word for synonym??

((All from indianchild.com))

[~:.-{Ice}-.:~:.-{Fire}-.:~]

Questions
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?


not a quote or a question.. but funny all the same.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Quote for us Girls

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

OMG!! Good or Bestfriend quotes!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

A good friend will ask you why you are crying. A best friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing too, just help you cry.

A good friendwill help you learn to drive. A best friend will help you roll the car into the lake so you can collect insurance.

A good friend Will watch your pets when I go away. A best friend won't let you go away.

A good friend will go to a concert with you. A best friend will kidnap the band with you

A good friend will hide you from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after you in the first place.

There you go.. Hope I contributed.

[/center]

[icewhisker]

This is all uh randomly random crud....

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that's weird

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Friends & Best Friends

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

------

My friends are the kind that if my house was burning down they would be roasting marshmallows over it.

Ok, this is freaking hilarious, I edited a little bit so there are no more swear words

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no freaking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the heck can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shizz up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh shizz, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you butthole."

98% of teens say they're bringing sexy back. I'm one of the 2% that sexy never left


Questions
__________

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

How come you never see the headline "Phychic Wins Lottery"?

Why do they streilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why do they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wards in school that solved America's problems?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

If your name is Mr.Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually become Captain Crunch?

If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
_____________
Random Quotes

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Children..you spend 2 years teaching them how to walk and talk, you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I'm tired of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

If at first you don't suceed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a random door..

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

When life gives you lemons, throw them at people! ~me

A recent survery stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel...just pray it's not a train.



You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

[/blockquote]

[Anaxfly]

"Friends are like stars they come and they go but the ones that stay are the ones that glow"

How did the people who were teaching english before there was the language english teach english to those who didnt know it?

"They don't know that we know they know we know"

What is so sexy about Edward Cullen's body if he is a story character and there are no pictures and the story only ever talks about how cool nd hard his chest is?

"This quote confuses people"

Why does my school start at 6:00 A.M.?

"Im confused, wait, no, maybe not."