Post by shadowdance on Nov 17, 2007 10:36:28 GMT -8
Just some rambly thing I wrote today...It is full of things I must fix...
Aidan winced as the knife cut through the fragile skin of his wrist, ignoring the nauseating scent of copper that filled the air so suddenly. It hurt more than one would think, a knife sliding delicately across the space of the wrist, but still. It was no where near as painful as he would have hoped. The stinging, dull ache in his bleeding wrist was nothing compared to what he felt inside.
Inside felt like Hell. Every thought that seemed to pass his mind was torture, adding to the overwhelming sensation of pain. His mind went in continuous loops of memories. Some were happy, some sad, but all the same painful because they were shared with one other person.
Tristan.
He had thought for a day and night on what to do with himself, how to ease the pain of losing Tristan. Aidan could only find one answer. Death. To him, there was no living if he could not be with the one thing, the one person, he loved most in the world. He would sooner die than ever even think of being with another.
Aidan's eyes danced around his dark room until he focused on his wrist. Light streaming in through his window rippled over the blood dripping from his wrist; staining the pallor of his skin crimson. A few drops leaked from his finger tips and he laughed, finding humor in catching himself moving his wrist so that it hung over the side of the bed. Here he was knife in hand, ending his own life, and he cared more about getting blood on his blankets.
His eyes hardened and his laughter turned bitter, sharp and cold, as he pressed the blade once more to his cut wrist. He did not wince against the bit of the blade this as the shimmering metal bit into his skin, deeper than before, drawing more blood. Aidan fell back against the safety his pillows, watching in the pale light of the moon as his blood trickled down his arm- spilling, gushing, from his wrist like a lush fountain of scarlet. He could feel himself slowly grow tired as his eyes watched with fascination as his blood left his body, his eyes threatening to close. But he forced them to remain open, despite his sudden exhaustion.
Soon, despite his trying, Aidan slipped away from the darkness of his room and retreated into the depths of his hazy mind.
Aidan had long since dropped the knife, his eyes rolling in his head as he struggled with consciousness. He felt oddly light, unsure of where he really was. Reality seemed to be slipping through his fingers as he caught himself trapped in an endless maze of memories, some so vivid, so lucid, that he felt like he was truly there and not in his bed slowly dying.
His eyes flickered open and found himself, yet again, in his bedroom. He stared into the emptiness through heavy lidded eyes, his heart fluttering within the enclosure of his chest like a trapped butterfly desperate for escape. Aidan swallowed, despite the dryness of his throat, in an attempt to rid himself of the sensation. But the more he tried the more frightened and confused the butterfly in his chest became until it beat rapidly against his ribs, fighting for release.
A tear escaped the corner of his eye and he let out a choked cry as fear undulated over his body, settling heavily upon his heart and mind. The darkness of the room crushed him; he didn’t want to die alone. Another fearful cry flowed from the depths of his throat as he grasped for the one thing that could bring him from the surrounding darkness; the one voice that could always rescue him from the pains of his nightmares, the voice that could and always would ease his mind just enough so he could ride the gentle, soothing waves of sleep.
Aidan closed his eyes, forcing himself to remember the softness of Tristan’s voice. So many times had he fallen asleep listening to the young boy sing to him over the phone; Tristan’s voice carrying him through the dark nights and warding off the demons that plagued him during sleep. He yearned for that freedom, but the exhaustion that burdened him made it nearly impossible to recall Tristan’s voice.
He shifted in his bed, reaching with a bloodied hand for the phone located beside his bed. He was desperate. He needed to hear Tristan’s voice once more. His fingers worked slowly over the rubber covers as he weakly grasped the phone, dialing Tristan’s number. The phone rang once.
“Hello?” Aidan fell against his pillows with a small gasp, the suddenness of Tristan’s voice painful; it was the sweetest thing he had ever heard. “Aidan?” The sound of Tristan speaking his name brought stinging tears to his eyes, and his lips trembled as he spoke.
“S-sing to me.” Aidan took in a deep breath of air, feeling more of his energy drain just from him reaching for the phone and dialing Tristan’s number, and settled back into the gentle giving of his pillows. His heart lurched agonizingly as the silence between them, save for a few sniffs from Tristan’s end of the phone, stretched on and on. His eyes threatened to close, and he reluctantly gave in as he listened to the steady rhythm of Tristan’s breathing. All he wanted was to hear Tristan sing to him once more.
“What song?” Aidan flinched, his eyes fluttering open. Tristan’s voice within his ear startled him, driving him back to the waking world.
“You know which one.” He was barely able to form the words, his speech slurred from his slow blood loss; he was only thankful that Tristan would mistake it for exhaustion. “Please?” For a moment Aidan thought that Tristan would refuse him. A trembling smile worked over his lips as Tristan finally sighed, the phone crackling with what must have been the young boy shifting in bed, and swallowed hard.
“Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I’m tired and I want to go to bed.
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
and then leave me alone.
Don’t try to wake me in the morning ‘cause I will be gone.
Don’t feel bad for me I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go.”
Aidan closed his eyes and strained to listen to the softness of Tristan’s voice. The gentle tones of the young boy’s voice washed over him, calming him and his racing heart. The fear that caked his insides slowly receded as he relaxed into the cushions of his bed. So lost was he in the numbness of his body that he was not even aware of Tristan’s silence. “Addy?”
Addy. The nickname brought another smile to his lips, the sweetness in which Tristan spoke bringing tears to his eyes. “Keep going,” It was all he could manage, and even then it came out as a muffled choke. The salty taste of his tears lingered in his mouth as a lone tear streaked down his face and tumbled over his lips.
“Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.
Sing to me; sing to me
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.”
His fingers slid from the phone, unable to hold the receiver any longer, but the pillow pressed roughly against his ear kept the phone in place. A terrible cold settled over his body, but he was too weak even to tremble against the icy fingers clutching his heart and soul. It took him all he had to listen to Tristan’s voice within the darkness as breathing became more difficult.
His body felt light as if made of air, his heart sputtering within his chest as it fought to keep beating. He had to hold on for only a moment longer…
“Don’t feel bad for me I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go.
There is another world, there is a better world.
Well, there must be.
Well, there must be.”
Aidan took in a small breath, his body fully numb as he focused all he had on Tristan’s voice. The freezing darkness was calling to him, begging him to let go. He felt the warmth of another tear trickle down his face as he reached out for the tugging darkness and finally settled in to the welcoming arms of a dreamless sleep.
[/center]Aidan winced as the knife cut through the fragile skin of his wrist, ignoring the nauseating scent of copper that filled the air so suddenly. It hurt more than one would think, a knife sliding delicately across the space of the wrist, but still. It was no where near as painful as he would have hoped. The stinging, dull ache in his bleeding wrist was nothing compared to what he felt inside.
Inside felt like Hell. Every thought that seemed to pass his mind was torture, adding to the overwhelming sensation of pain. His mind went in continuous loops of memories. Some were happy, some sad, but all the same painful because they were shared with one other person.
Tristan.
He had thought for a day and night on what to do with himself, how to ease the pain of losing Tristan. Aidan could only find one answer. Death. To him, there was no living if he could not be with the one thing, the one person, he loved most in the world. He would sooner die than ever even think of being with another.
Aidan's eyes danced around his dark room until he focused on his wrist. Light streaming in through his window rippled over the blood dripping from his wrist; staining the pallor of his skin crimson. A few drops leaked from his finger tips and he laughed, finding humor in catching himself moving his wrist so that it hung over the side of the bed. Here he was knife in hand, ending his own life, and he cared more about getting blood on his blankets.
His eyes hardened and his laughter turned bitter, sharp and cold, as he pressed the blade once more to his cut wrist. He did not wince against the bit of the blade this as the shimmering metal bit into his skin, deeper than before, drawing more blood. Aidan fell back against the safety his pillows, watching in the pale light of the moon as his blood trickled down his arm- spilling, gushing, from his wrist like a lush fountain of scarlet. He could feel himself slowly grow tired as his eyes watched with fascination as his blood left his body, his eyes threatening to close. But he forced them to remain open, despite his sudden exhaustion.
Soon, despite his trying, Aidan slipped away from the darkness of his room and retreated into the depths of his hazy mind.
Aidan had long since dropped the knife, his eyes rolling in his head as he struggled with consciousness. He felt oddly light, unsure of where he really was. Reality seemed to be slipping through his fingers as he caught himself trapped in an endless maze of memories, some so vivid, so lucid, that he felt like he was truly there and not in his bed slowly dying.
His eyes flickered open and found himself, yet again, in his bedroom. He stared into the emptiness through heavy lidded eyes, his heart fluttering within the enclosure of his chest like a trapped butterfly desperate for escape. Aidan swallowed, despite the dryness of his throat, in an attempt to rid himself of the sensation. But the more he tried the more frightened and confused the butterfly in his chest became until it beat rapidly against his ribs, fighting for release.
A tear escaped the corner of his eye and he let out a choked cry as fear undulated over his body, settling heavily upon his heart and mind. The darkness of the room crushed him; he didn’t want to die alone. Another fearful cry flowed from the depths of his throat as he grasped for the one thing that could bring him from the surrounding darkness; the one voice that could always rescue him from the pains of his nightmares, the voice that could and always would ease his mind just enough so he could ride the gentle, soothing waves of sleep.
Aidan closed his eyes, forcing himself to remember the softness of Tristan’s voice. So many times had he fallen asleep listening to the young boy sing to him over the phone; Tristan’s voice carrying him through the dark nights and warding off the demons that plagued him during sleep. He yearned for that freedom, but the exhaustion that burdened him made it nearly impossible to recall Tristan’s voice.
He shifted in his bed, reaching with a bloodied hand for the phone located beside his bed. He was desperate. He needed to hear Tristan’s voice once more. His fingers worked slowly over the rubber covers as he weakly grasped the phone, dialing Tristan’s number. The phone rang once.
“Hello?” Aidan fell against his pillows with a small gasp, the suddenness of Tristan’s voice painful; it was the sweetest thing he had ever heard. “Aidan?” The sound of Tristan speaking his name brought stinging tears to his eyes, and his lips trembled as he spoke.
“S-sing to me.” Aidan took in a deep breath of air, feeling more of his energy drain just from him reaching for the phone and dialing Tristan’s number, and settled back into the gentle giving of his pillows. His heart lurched agonizingly as the silence between them, save for a few sniffs from Tristan’s end of the phone, stretched on and on. His eyes threatened to close, and he reluctantly gave in as he listened to the steady rhythm of Tristan’s breathing. All he wanted was to hear Tristan sing to him once more.
“What song?” Aidan flinched, his eyes fluttering open. Tristan’s voice within his ear startled him, driving him back to the waking world.
“You know which one.” He was barely able to form the words, his speech slurred from his slow blood loss; he was only thankful that Tristan would mistake it for exhaustion. “Please?” For a moment Aidan thought that Tristan would refuse him. A trembling smile worked over his lips as Tristan finally sighed, the phone crackling with what must have been the young boy shifting in bed, and swallowed hard.
“Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I’m tired and I want to go to bed.
Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
and then leave me alone.
Don’t try to wake me in the morning ‘cause I will be gone.
Don’t feel bad for me I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go.”
Aidan closed his eyes and strained to listen to the softness of Tristan’s voice. The gentle tones of the young boy’s voice washed over him, calming him and his racing heart. The fear that caked his insides slowly receded as he relaxed into the cushions of his bed. So lost was he in the numbness of his body that he was not even aware of Tristan’s silence. “Addy?”
Addy. The nickname brought another smile to his lips, the sweetness in which Tristan spoke bringing tears to his eyes. “Keep going,” It was all he could manage, and even then it came out as a muffled choke. The salty taste of his tears lingered in his mouth as a lone tear streaked down his face and tumbled over his lips.
“Sing me to sleep, sing me to sleep
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.
Sing to me; sing to me
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.”
His fingers slid from the phone, unable to hold the receiver any longer, but the pillow pressed roughly against his ear kept the phone in place. A terrible cold settled over his body, but he was too weak even to tremble against the icy fingers clutching his heart and soul. It took him all he had to listen to Tristan’s voice within the darkness as breathing became more difficult.
His body felt light as if made of air, his heart sputtering within his chest as it fought to keep beating. He had to hold on for only a moment longer…
“Don’t feel bad for me I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart I really want to go.
There is another world, there is a better world.
Well, there must be.
Well, there must be.”
Aidan took in a small breath, his body fully numb as he focused all he had on Tristan’s voice. The freezing darkness was calling to him, begging him to let go. He felt the warmth of another tear trickle down his face as he reached out for the tugging darkness and finally settled in to the welcoming arms of a dreamless sleep.
